Jew Nejja, Or Mahruqa

Parallel Universes: Two Timelines, One People, Same Islands, Same Date

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The following are two news reports accessed by the Maltafly Multi-Timeline Receptor (MMTR). The first, dated 21 September 2164, is a local TV news report giving insight into the intricate web of a small multi-sovereign archipelago on a parallel earth. This is followed by Celebrations and Challenges Ahead, a press article of the same date, from the same islands, but from yet another parrallel earth.

Timeline: MD0094t: 21 September 2164
Locality: The Archi-Maltipelago, Mediterranean Sea

Qrendi Broadcasting Conspiration presents: The QBC-Noose in Inglish
Return of Trapper's Relic crucial to Qrendi's support for sanctions against Mosta, says Assembly as Bidnija fears loom

...and now over to Wendy Bundy-Bondì, reporting Live from Vjal ir-Relikwi, Qrendi...  Wendy?

Good evening, Ermelinda, we've just received the Ruling of the Qrendi Permanent Assembly - a short Ruling which says, and I quote: "The Assembly rules that unless the Relic of the Martyred Trapper is returned by the Safi Federation, Qrendi will not support sanctions against the Holy Seat of Mosta."

There were no further comments from the Three Wise Men at this stage, Ermelinda, but - just to remind our viewers - the Safi Federation had earlier this morning threatened Qrendi with expulsion from the Southern Alliance for not yet signing up to the Federation's call for sanctions. The Southern Hoss has so far kept mum, although Hoss foreign emissary Bruno Bianco-Bianchi did tell his hairdresser just an hour ago that the leader of the Safi Federation is a buffu.

In earlier Breaking News, Ermelinda, we heard that Mosta's Holy Vizier, Rev. Marpert Borg-Bingemma warned the Valletta Syndicate NOT to interfere in the dispute, calling on them to, quote, "abide by The Paceville Statutes obtaining within the jurisdiction of the Democratic Corporation of Swieqi and its Coastal Syndicates".

To remind our viewers, the Holy Seat of Mosta was reacting to calls by Valletta for Swieqi to support the Federation's sanctions, following the so-called 'Caravaggio Conspiracy' which has caused a rift between Valletta and the Holy Seat's staunchest allies, the Three Grand-Bishopries.

So what are the prospects there now, Wendy?

Well, we're told that after losing Pembroke Airport to the Hordesdom of Gharghur, Swieqi cannot risk access to Safi-controlled Catch-a-Tour Airport.  One source said it is only a matter of time that Swieqi joins the Federation's sanctions and breaks relations with the Holy Alliance.

Meanwhile, Ermelinda, the Holy Seat of Mosta is not sitting pretty. We're told the Seat issued a declaration reaffirming it will not lift its Holy-Water policy against the Safi Federation's 380,000 citizens - which effectively denies them access to the Seat's territory.

As we know, Ermelinda, the Safi Federation has denied dabbling in demonic practices, implying deception on the part of the Holy Seat. But
just yesterday on Safi Freebee TV Federation president, Dirkalan Theuma-Mula surprisingly played the Bidnija card, when he asked, and I quote: "Have the forces of Holy Evil won over us? Why is there no word from Bidnija?

Meanwhile, Ermelinda, the Bidnija Wiccan State remains silent, raising fears of a spell of timelessness similar to that which pushed the Archi-Maltipelago into senile mediocrity
last century.

And let's not forget the Three Wise Men's recent Ruling, Ermelinda, where they ask:

"Shall we again progress into senile mediocrity?"

QBC put that question to sources close to the Wiccan State's Runny Nosebook editor's assistant, Ms Kajli Xjieklunal-Biteplus. Viewers won't believe her response, Ermelinda: "Don't be silly," she said. "How can progress be both senile and mediocre at the same time?"

Relic of the Martyred Trapper, thought to be held by the Safi Federation police

Your source said that, Wendy?

Indeed, Ermelinda, and she's so close to Kajli she hears her snore at night, other sources say.

In any case, the Three Wise Men have not taken this semi-official comment lightly and will tomorrow deliver a Ruling on its possible meanings. "There is a particular double-time nuance they need to look into," they told QBC.

So, Ermelinda, QBC is now asking: As the saga of the stolen relic continues, will Qrendi reject sanctions and face the Safi wrath? And will the dreaded Bidnija Spell be cast once again?

That's the question 95,000 Qrendians are asking as of today... and not just because we told them Ermelinda...

This is Wendy Bundy-Bondi for QBC-Noose, reporting Live from Vjal ir-Relikwi... Ermelinda? Over to you.

- Thank you, Wendy - it seems folks at the Federation want to eat their cake before they bake it...  But it's clear now: No Relic. No Support! And let's hope Bidnija stays mum... hahaha... And now for the weather with Styloney Tanti-Amanti...



Timeline: MS0625s: 21 September 2164
Locality: The Maltese Islands, Sicily & Malta Region,
               European Union of Servile Serf Regions (EUSSR)

Celebrations and Challenges Ahead

10th Anniversary celebrations launched with PN and PL leaders' rousing speeches as AHMAD maintains boycott

By Deirdre-Anne Caruana-Vella |

VALLETTA | 21.09.2164 - Malta today celebrates its 10th anniversary of Regionhood, a status it equally shares with Sicily since 2154.

"We commemorate today a very commemorable day," Chief-at-Council Dr Stencil Fenech Borg-Oliva told the cheering crowd gathered at the St Simon Buzuttin Arena, accompanied by an overwhelming online audience.

"A decade ago today, Malta waved its provincial days good-bye and our beloved region became officially known as The Region of Sicily & Malta.

"It was the PN that achieved this upgrade... at a time when we were told it was impossible for a province of just over 100,000 to attain EU Regionhood," Dr Fenech Borg-Oliva said, causing an upsurge in Phasebook Likes.

"And now, the time for bold action is upon us once again. Soon - our Glorious Leaders willing - they will call it The Region of Malta & Sicily!" the Chief-at-Council concluded jokingly to joyous chanting of Glory-to-the-Union iTunes and YoutubeLive singalongs.

Taking the High Rostrum, Opposition leader Dr John-Etoile Borg-Cassidy reminded Chief-at-Council that it was a PL administration that had earned Malta the Province-of-the-Year Award seven years earlier.

"That award had paved the way to Regionhood," Dr Borg-Cassidy claimed. "And when we're back in power we will join our Sicilian brothers and sisters in order to win the Region-of-the-Year Award," he added to thundering LiveBJs applause.

"This will surely gain us the admiration of our Dear Leaders in Bruksell. It will generate lots of buqxiex for us to further contribute to The Union's Collective Fund for Perpetual Debt & Prosperity.

"We need to face this challenge this century and only PL can make it happen," Dr Borg-Cassidy concluded to resounding Tweet-Balls and hot Hi-Fivers.

The Alleanza Hadra ghal Moralita Alternattivament Demokratika (AHMAD) proceeded with their boycott, claiming they are still waiting for electoral reforms.

Contacted by, Alleanza leader Dr Jaskyle Borg-Abdulhadrani said their boycott should not dampen this glorious day.

"A hundred and fifty years ago there were too many of us and we lived in crammed caves," he said, referring to the widespread belief that Malta's population once topped 400,000.

"We were all alone, blindly bungling things our way, living immorally, spending as if we were the ones printing the money... Ifhimni, before we came to enjoy real money there were times when they relied on local coupons," Dr Borg-Abdulhadrani explained with reference to the so-called 'Lirry Maltin".

"Today, we have Union governance, we have Regional guidance; we have intricate laws for delicate order, and we have real buqxiex - as many buqxiex as they choose to create for us, backed by our sincere sweat and toil," he continued, referring to our beloved euro, graciously supplied at reasonably accumulating interest rates.

"All we're missing is a fine set of electoral rules so we too can warm a seat at-Council!

"It's not fair!"
Dr Borg-Abdulhadrani concluded to a Tweeting uproar.

"I want a seat at-Council too!"


See also: Il-Mewta Tragika ta' Dr Stencil