Dispatches on Malta's 'F' Ministers

Dispatch One: Foreign Minister debriefed by US State Department staffers

Dear Maltese Tellectuals

My European brothers and sisters,

Comrades, l-Ahwa!

Have I got happy news for you!

The US State Department – no less! – eager to measure the Maltese administration’s response-readiness to US subversive efforts in North Africa and the Middle East, has asked its European affairs bureau to dispatch a deputy assistant to debrief our foreign minister.

Our foreign minister’s performance was far from a dog’s dinner, l-ahwa! Reflecting the views of his arch-minister, EU foreign and security chief Baroness Ashton, he expressed concern over both regions, especially EU-sanctioned Syria, where he really, really hoped for the best, so things can improve for the better, so people will be happy and happier, and not sad and sadder… 

No word on whether he expressed gratitude for the destabilisation of the infamous Syrian secularist regime, all to the benefit of freedom-fighting, moderately extreme Islamists, shaped by the West into fully-armed hero rebels fighting for a Syria free of secularism and other non-Islamic influences and beliefs.

Our foreign minister was also asked what he thought about the great Libyan feat, characterised by Libya’s rapid rise from a secular anti-Western functioning regime to an Islamist-riddled anti-Western dysfunctional oligarchy.

So sensitively insightful were our foreign minister’s views on Libya they were treated with utmost confidentiality; as were his views on the situation in Tunisia, where extremists are on a Spring spree, and Egypt, where the Muslim Brotherhood’s backstage elite – old friends of the Soros Spring Foundation – are leading the fully democratic Islamist regime into a formidable double role in the creation of further division and conflict where peace would never have otherwise reigned again for a while-anyway-so-what-the-heck!

Finally, in a solemn gesture of prescribed timelessness, our foreign minister renewed the 1970s noble mantra against Israeli settlements on occupied land, underlining the perpetuity of a decades-old crisis justifiably made worse towards a blisfully happy ending to a never-ending centuries-old trifecta-crusade that was otherwise long dead, but for its timely resurrection towards global peace and unity that follow great wars and strife.

Here, Comrades, is the full and official final draft of the all-in-a-day’s-work report by the Salvu Today news dispenser:
Malta and US discuss Mediterranean Region

And remember, l-ahwa: a diehes a day keeps the doctor on pay.

As Syrian Islamists Gain, It's Rebel Against Rebel (WSJ)
Arming Syria’s Rebellion: How Libyan Weapons and Know-How Reach Anti-Assad Fighters (Time)
How Obama and Al-Qaeda Became Syrian Bedfellows (by Shamus Cooke)

Disspac No.00001/deafley-fileThis dispatch first appeared on The Deafley-File on 20.05.2013. It is being reproduced with special permission from Lady Karavana Garlicia, Size 16, Bwidnejja.

Dispatch Two: Finance Minister in Agreement with his Shadow

I have fine and considered news for you, l-ahwa.
Our finance minister is doing his utmost to avoid the wrath of the Union's Excessive Deficit Procedure.  
He's been pleading for mercy with the Commission, assuring them he'll fix the "fiscal slippage", but alas we have lost our noble overlords' trust, he said, and there is only the PN to blame for telling the Commission a bunch of porkies.
Our shadow finance minister agreed: "the highest probability is that the European Commission will place Malta under" arrest and in tethers, if not in shackles.
But it is useless arguing with the Commission, the shadow warned. They want facts not promises. So if you're promising a year ahead, you are in deed a year too late. 
Tough! Better luck next time, as Enzo Guzman once sang before he even failed.
Our finance minister agreed. Although the 2013 slippage was just the effect of the "election mode" we were in, he said, the Commission doesn't give a shite about what mode we're in since the serf code is the only EU mode.
Most certainly, the agreeable nature that developed between our finance minister and his shadow has sparked widespread joy across the Archi-Maltipelago.
You can read the full and final draft at the Salvu Today News Dispensary:
Disspac 00002/deafley-fileThis dispatch first appeared on The Deafley-File on 22.05.2013. It is being reproduced with special permission from Lady Karavana Garlicia, Size 16, Bwidnejja.